
Hi Val!!!!
Thank you som much for creating this little haven for all of us and congratulations, although slightly belated, on finally realising your ture path in life, I hope happiness and contentment continue to go with you into your brighter, feminine future.
Equally, Hi to all the other ladies, either 'full' or 'part time' lol here, I'm glad to have found this place.
Actually, my girflfriend found it.
My 'alternative' name is Kelly, and we live in the Midlands area of the UK.
I came out about 4 dyas or so ago and finally cemented my existence on New Year's Eve at home with her (I'll have to ask her if she's ok with me using her real name here before posting it, she's gone to bed as she's poorly tonight

)
We'd messed about once or twice in the last year when drunk with me trying on one or two items of her knky bedroom stuff but it only lasted a few minutes and always ended up bare before completing our 'romantic act' for want of a better term lol
We've been together about 4 years now, by the way.
As I get to feel more confident etc I'll share a bit more about my 'other' life but suffice to say, I would be stereotypically viewed by society as a 'man's man'; I was until recently a servicing member of one of the armed forces (leaving was nothing to do with my CD'ing) and my recreational passtimes and passions (apart from CD'ing lol) were very macho and adrenaline fuelled.
Needless to say, revealing my CD yearning would come as a really really big shock to anyone who knew/knows me lol
So, I can't at this particular moment in time recall exactly the step-by-step 'map' that led me along this path to this point of typing this introduction but over the last few years I could literally 'feel' something whelling up inside me. a need, a desire, a calling to fulfill a missing part of me in my life.
During the few preceding years I found myself trying on her stuff when I was at home and she was at work, mostly a sexual thing to aid playing with myself (still unsure as to what I can and can't say here lol) so I could smell her perfume and have that missing feminine element when doing this kinda stuff on your own.
That's pretty hard as she's a size 8-10 UK and about 5ft4 weighing 9stone or so and I was around male size 44 UK, about 5ft11 tall and then I was just over 15stone lol
Anyway.... After some time I began to continue wearing a few small items (the few that fitted me without ripping them apart whilst getting them on, something akin to an escapologist getting out of a straight jacket!!) and began to realise that there was something more, something much deeper than just a sexual turn on.
It wasn't just wanting
her[i][/i], it wasn't just wanting to
be[i][/i] like her.
I let it run for quite some time, but as time passed I accepted (very happily I may add) that the whole change of identity and comfort and satisfaction (spiritually, not sexually) thing was more substantial.
I wanted to have that feminine person, that other part of me,that other
person within me, in my life.
When I finally agreed with myself (I'm not mad honestly lol) that was what was 'calling' from inside me, I immediately became (apart from feeling
r e a l l y warm and complete) very worried that if my girflriend ever found out that it would destroy us and I'd loose her (actually I guess one of the reasons I'm typing this lengthy intro is so I can get across to her more expresively how it's been for me recently lol)
And as a lot of you know, this is a really hard obstacle to be confronted with.
So, many months passed, and for a while the whole CD thing took a back seat, I didn't do anything at all.
I guess I just wanted to see if I was really right in what I was thinking and feeling or if it was just a passing phase in a man's sexuality. Maybe many other 'birth males' feel like this and reach this point and then turn away, only to repeatedly return to this point in time to come, only to yet again turn away over and over again.
And I can undersatnd this, as we all can.
But.... the kinda person I am, I'll sometimes let things sit for a long time, much longer than most, until I get fed up with the issue still being there, and then I'll deal with it. Fully. Unquestionably. Until it's dealt with and there is no doubt it IS delat with. Permanently.
And this is what happened with this aspect of my life.
It was still there, still calling AT me, daily, in most thing s I dud.
I'd find myself thinking 'How lovely would it be to do this as a woman, in nice soft clothes, heels, long flowing hair, nails, perfume. And how natural would it feel to move and be seen as a woman'
When you get to that stage, there's no denying it is there? lol
So anyway, my gf knew I got turned on by wearing a lttle of this or that whilst love-making.
More recently then, we both had health problems which led to us loosing weight; quite a lot.
She lost around 2 stone; a lot for someone of her size.
I was finally diagnosed with gall stones and was told the gallbladder HAD to come how, it had failed and was no longer functionning. SO I ended up living, literally, on tuna, boild rice, and fruit.
Let me tell you, 5 stones in weight soon drops off when you;re doing a physical job on THAT kinda diet over a period of around7 months lol
So, we both ride sports motorbikes, on track especially.
Needless to say, none of our leathers fitted us.
Mine hung on me like a duvet on broom handle.
Hers, much the same.
Ebay took care of mine, and then one day one of us suggested (can't remember which one) that her leathers may fit mt.
Well, they slid on.
It was extremly arousing, not just sexually but every other aspect of my personality became 'inflated'-is the only word i can use to describe it- by feeling feminine clothing surrounding my body.
That's what pretty much marked the start of my 'bid' to open up to her and share this other side of me, in a very gentle and gradual way so as not to scare her, of frighten her off, and to allow me to 'guage' the pace at which I did so, using her reaxtions to judge whether or not to forge ahead or cool it for a while or maybe even call it a day.
SO things moved on, can't quite recall any definitive moments, up until a few days ago (yes, I'm getting there lol) when we had a difference of opinion on something irrelevant and one of us said something like "I bet you it does!" and of course what would the winner of the bet get?
So I foundmyself saying (before I had time to weigh it up) "A pair of high heels."
There, it was out lol
She was ok with it I guess.
I lost the bet, but along the way it all came out how I'd love to dress up 'properly' and see how we felt.
So, off shopping
I can see you smiling there too !! lol
We went ot Asda and after not too long grabbed two party frock/dress numbers. Mostly suggested by her, not 100% to my taste but I figured it important to give her equal say in this so as to make her feel part of it and not exclude her, asfterall, I was doing it only with her love and understading.
We also grabbed some nails and eyelashes (this made me nearly wet fantasizing big sexy eye lashes on ME!!)
And then we went to a party shop which she had actually sourced AND telephoned to check if they were open and had wigs in stock that they were selling online, how cool is that??
The woman in the shop was helpful, we told her we were off to a fancy dress party, New Year's Eve etc so it was a completely plausible thing I guess, but she showed us some pretty tatty wigs, the sort you'd put on in a bar for a laugh and then toss in the bin afterwards, and suggested that instead of getting decent female footwear I just wear wellington boots

I think my unstoppable expression gave it away lol She then showed us a lovely strawberry blonde, chest-length wig, saying "This is VERY feminine". Well.... she knew in an instant what was going on. In the conversation she tactfully never asked me anyting but simply commented they get a lot of CD'ers and drag acts coming in.
I knew what she was telling us lol
Anyway, back home, tried them on, managed to squeeze into one, but no room for boobs, very important to me, and the other was an off-shoulder number, so no real prospect of any kind of decent boobs either.
You know the 'I shoulda gone with my instincts' feeling that pops up in your head?
Well that was laughing at me lol
So, out we go again to a different town where few if any people would know us, a big concern as you all know.
We went to boutique I guess is what you'd call it; Matalan here in the UK does dcent stuff.
Loads more to choose from.
Satin dress, a nice sexy satin blouse, both in black, very sumptuous. Lotrs of room for AT LEAST DD boobs
Shoes, a BIG thing, the whole heel thing is what has been nagging at me for many months, if not years.
She wears size 4-5, I'm a male UK size 9 so ther eis no way in this world her boots etc were going anywhere near my feet other than getting my toes in the ankle area lol
We figured I'd be a size 8 UK female.
How hard is that to get in a regular store? I walked around naively hopefull of finding something.
Lots of nice sexy patent boots and heels, pumps etc
All sizes 3, 4, a few 5's and one in a 6; something your grandmother would wear whlst sweeping the kitchen lol
And then... *queue angels, chors, bright sunrise* .... a pair of 5 inch heels in black shiney patent leather, size 8!!!!
GRAB 'EM!!!!!!! lol
In the basket they went and off we headed to the checkout.
There was no price tag on the shoes and I remeber saying something like "Well, we'll take them over and see what they cost and then decide." And inside I was hoping they'd be cheap lol
Anyway, the shoes were..............£7!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha ha haaa!!!!!!!!!
Can ya believe it??
My little Missy (my pet name for her) was standing there with a wry smile on her lovely little face and I knew she was (lovingly) thinking words to the effect of "Great. Just great. I take my tranny boyfriend out to shop for his first outfit and he gets a top, skirt and shoes for £20 and I can't even get a air of decent boots for twice that on a GOOD day!!!"
Bless her lol
Anyway, back home.
She went for a bit of a snooze.
Me?
Bath (man I've never bathed so quickly in my life lol) shave (normally I use an electric shaver but tonight it was a really tight and close wet shave) and out with her makeup.
I reckon I spent maybe an hour putting on foundation, blusher, eye shadow, then taking it all off and starting again, partly due to being inexperienced (the closest I'd done previously was plastering a wall!!) but mainly due to the tremors in my hands. I've never had a tantric orgasim but I can only imagine this was approaching a similar feeling lol
I was actually getting to put a full feminine face (if you can call a CD'ers first attempt THAT) in my own home with my gf's blessing!!
At last I got the whole 'thing' sorted to my reasonable satisfaction, and then those big gorgeous eyelashes went on, perfect, first time.
Last thing.... the hair.
I flopped it on without looking in the mirror, got it as straight as I could by feeling.
And I looked at myself in the mirrow.
I have to say right now I nearly cracked my jaw grinning at myself.
Actually, to be ture to myself, I should say '..grinning at Kelly.'
I was gobsmacked at how truely womanly and sexy I/she looked
On with the bra which we'd bought job lot months before at a closing down sale to sell on Ebay and then lost intrest.
34 FF (told ya I like big boobs on me lol)
Got the ballons filled with warm tap water, a precise 12 seconds so as to ensure eveness in shape, size and of course weight lol
Downstairs to put on stockings and suspender belt.
Then Missy came out to use the bathroom and there was lots of "Don't come down I'm not ready!!!" kinda stuff... how girly huh??
I had to grab the rest of my clothes, stick a drssing gown on (male of course lol) and get into the bedroom so she could come downstairs.
Once there, on with the skirt; lovely slinky satin skirt mmmmhhhhhhhh

and then I slid the senuous blouse on, buttoned it up and let me tell you those buttons slightly strained at the size of those big boobs lol
Last and arguably the crowning glory, of course..... the heels.
I climbed up to my fulfilling and wonderfully strong feeling feminine height and immediately felt my thighs, calves and back chest arch into the long awaited, much neglected Kelly.
Jesus I felt like I'd won the lottery for the 20th time in a year ha haa!!!!
And then my heart stopped.
It was time.
Time to strut out into the world, well, the living room lol and it was make or break time.
Missy would do one of three things; 1) Start crying and say "I don't like IT, please get changed!", or 2) Sit looking at me and say something like "You look silly but cute.", or 3) Like it a lot and agree with me at how stunning a change there had been.
Well, I called down, she lay on the sette with her eyes closed so I could make the graceless entrance down the stairs on brand new 5 inch heels trying not to go ass-over-tit out into the porch and down I went; slowly but excited and fearful, all at once.
I tried to compose myself in front of her and uttered the immortal words, "Ok.... open your eyes."
She was silent for a moment (oh God here comes option 1
Then a smile crept over her face (Great, option 1 is out, but here comes option 2)
And then her eyes half closed as she grinned even wider and said "Oh my God, you look amazing!!!"
Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Party time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her eyes darted around me for a bit as I tried to turn around gently and without being too clumsy.
She liked ME, albeit she was stunned, but after a few moments of wondering if she was just trying to be gentle and not hurt my feelings and damage the gentle thing I'd revealed to her, I began to realise she was genuinely impressed by Kelly's first appearance.
*Big sigh* lol
Well as she was not feeling very well (an ongoing situation under investigation) we didn't end up making love.
She got dressed up a fair bit too, we had drinks, smoked some tobacco (we don't do drugs by the way) I drank a lot more (wine then some vodka) and I relaxed even more and slid right into being Kelly in the real world.
We even ordered a pizza (she paid the deivery guy not me lol) and went upstairs a few times to touch up the smudged makeup by eating etc.
We kissed a few times and I even 'made' her (in a loving and comical but genuine way) hol my full breasts and cuddle me lol
So, there we are.
I, Kelly, spent my first evening in the real world in my own home with my Missy whom I love dearly , even more (if it's possible) for being so understanding and welcoming to something which can be almost soul destroying to a woman who finds out her boyfriend has an alter ego and is over 6ft tall with breasts bigger than her head lol
All this on New Year's Eve!!!
I've chatted with her and reassured her this will not alter how I feel for her one bit in a negative way, that it will not exclude her from me at all and that she is a very important part of all this.
Our sex life will probably continue to grow and mature, wheather it making love to her hunky man or the tall, oh-so exotic Kelly lol
That last issue is still open to 'suck it and see' (great pun yeah? lol

) but her feelings are as important in all of this as mine, so if she's not comfortable doing that from time to time then it won't be a problem, I already decided that there may have to be a line between My life and Kelly's and Kelly has a place in OURlife, she' not my WHOLE life, Missy is
I am pretty positive that I don't want or need full gender reassignment.
At the age of 42 I think any gender dysmorphia would be apparent by now.
I mean, yeah, it's lovely to dream of having a full female body with real breasts and all the other bits and lving a full, 24/7 woman life with an extensive wardrobe of tasty clothing and cosmetics etc but the truth is, I love my man-bits far too much to even contemplate getting rid of them.
I love being a man.
I love having a bit of a temper and being able...well, do the things a guy does in the shower, alone lol
I love getting all greasy working on my bikes and passing wind after chugging down cold beer.
It'd be cool to go away somewhere, the three of us lol and to live a full feminine lifestyle for a few days once I'd become very confident and could pass as a female but to then return to our regular life and carry on with it.
I like the way our life is right now and don;t reallt want it chagning in that respect.
I want Missy to know and truely feel and believe that the man she fell in love with is just the same and that our future together is as she imagined prior to all this.
It's just that there is one final element to him that has now been brought into the real world and that Kelly isn't a threat ot her or us, just an addition, if that makes sense.
I know some of you may be having thoughts about the long term aspect of Kelly, where will it all go, how will Missy and I's relationship be in, say, 2 years time etc
How will we cope if people find out?
Will We our I deny it or try to hide it or will Kelly disappear forever?
Well, the truth is, all I can say is "I don't know.Kelly is part of my existance now and I love her being here. If it develops into a situation where Kelly can't BE when Missy is around then I am sure there is some workable solution that can be agreed."
I know, as well as a lot of you do, that to come out like that to your partner takes a lot of nerve.
But for your partner to accept this other, thusfar hidden, person and to assure you it's ok and I like her, to take part in shopping, to call Kelly by her name; to do all of this on the FIRST day, it says alot about the length, depth and breadth of the love my Missy has for me, and it says how truely wonderful she is.
And it says just how fortunate I and Kelly are to Be.
I just re-read all the above, and if any regular person read it I'm sure they'd say I was schizophrenic lol
Split personality and all.
But I'm not, I'm me AND Kelly, all in one.
How cool is that?
I've enjoyed sharing this with you all and I hope it brought a smile and maybe some encouragement to some, and I look forward to chatting with you and sharing other experiences and general womanly sorta stuff with you, and of course learning from you and gaining further attributes make the lovely Kelly a better person lol
I'll post up some pics when I get the whole brush thing sorted lol
Kelly
x x x x