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My Life and Story Of Transgender from Heartbreak To Joy 2010

The place for your TG story - about yourself and past experiences, any contributions welcome and you can be as short or long in your writing as you like ...
WE WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PAST ADVENTURES :D

Moderators: Beth, Val Marks, Martina Regis

My Life and Story Of Transgender from Heartbreak To Joy 2010

Postby Val Marks » Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:49 am

As the admin of this Forum, I having been wanting for some time now to share my story of transgender transition with you all and I have now mustered up the courage and i hope anything that i have encountered on my journey could in some way help or support others facing or going through the same issues or situation .. i hope you enjoy the snippet of my life story of transgenderism taking me through hapiness - love - heartbreak - struggle - pure joy @ Post OP stage :) xxx

I tend to find it hard to open my soul to people, and discuss more personal issue in my life, but I felt it was about time and wanted to share a snippet of my life and my story of transition with my friends, i hope it helps others

Back in 1995, about 15 years, i took the major step of facing my feelings and confronting my past and my future as a transgender person.

I had been dressing as a female from the age of 10 and always knew in my mind that I was not like the other boys and my pleasures and my thoughts all centered around female things and, up until my realisation, having a hidden passion for all things feminine.

It was about time to confront those feelings head on - firstly I found employment and presented myself as a woman and albeit scared I did not let my insecurities show and strived to keep my head held high - i think that i gained a deal of respect for my positive outlook and the fact that i was following my heart. My job eventually led me to travel many places around the world and to my suprise I was received very well with only minor problems (mainly due to Pre-OP official paperwork problems) - and i made many good friends along the way.

Moving forward to i guess 2003, there was a glitch i found love with a genetic female and in my pursuit of happiness I gave myself 110% to my relationship and let my own feelings and needs slip by the wayside Love at that time for me was a big mistake and let my transition fade into the background for a period of 3 or so years, however the feelings soon overpowered me once again and now feeling trapped in a relationship I was at a very low point in my life. The words kept ringing in my head 'follow your dreams' and your life and happiness will once again follow naturally alongside.

My relationship in 2006 ended in real heartbreak and sorrow for me and the emotional investment and the love i had for my partner almost drove me to ending my life. It was like 2 forces pulling me apart from both sides, one was pure and real love for my partner and the other was my destiny and reality that I HAD to complete my transition as I would be miserable and ultimately not be able to be happy or live my life and have any meaningful relationship - it was really a no brainer but i was torn apart by guilt and heartbreak that I still deal with but i have learnt to take the positives and the good memories and love the pain and love the years that were a big part of my life back then.

In 2006 i continued my transition in London (UK), something i had put on hold back in 2004 and those 2 years 'off the rails' so to speak had set me back and left me feeling that at this point I should already of had my OP and be fully transitioned - this was a hard reality to live with.

Determination and reality of my situation, my strong feelings on being a woman, enabled me to carry on with quaterly visits to my Gender Psychiatrist in London and eventually that day of pure excitment and extreme happiness when i got my hospital letter and date for my 'Sex Reassignment Surgery' came floating through my letterbox. When i think back it was like floating on air and being the happiest i have ever felt and this feeling continued for several weeks until the SRS surgery drew closer and the slight nerves started to kick. However, any nerves I had were only because i was scared of hospitals but i was looking forward to the surgery and had my bag packed 2 weeks before the admittance date :)

Late 2008, i went into hospital and had my SRS which, looking back, seemed to all be a blur and i have one overriding memory of happiness, completeness, and a the biggest smile on my face from 'ear to ear'. In hospital, i was treated well had very little pain and my surgeon i cannot give enough praise to.

My life since transition, it has not all been a bed of roses, things are different for me now I find myself being much more emotionally stable, more home-ley and wanting more meaningful relationships in my life.

I guess the hardest part of Post-OP life (since 2008) is the relationship area - i have not had a relationship with anybody and as I am still attracted to the female sex I think in terms of having a lesbian relationship which is something completely different to prior the reassignment surgery.

The feeling of your reaching your destination in becoming the woman you have always dreamed of is something very special, inner peace, happiness and the ability to share yourself completely with others as you have nothing and no need to hide your feelings away anymore.

I hope you have enjoyed a snippet of my story, since 1995, and i would urge anybody embarking or on the road of transition to just follow your heart, your true-self and if people try to sway your path then stand tall and explain to them that you can only be true to yourself and will only become a complete person who can live and love completely as the real woman you are going to become.

Much Love xxx
Val
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